In just 24 hours…
How does one handle it? Is there a manual that comes with how-to instructions? And what about those individuals who look at you like you’re ” koo-koo for cocoa puffs”? And if so, do you give a rat’s ass? Seriously? I mean really seriously? Like, seriously seriously.
It has been 24 hours since the loss of Scottie, my long-haired chihuahua. I’ve had him since he was a little puppy. I can remember as if it were yesterday. He looked like a rat with brown splotches. I almost ended his life that same day by raising a broom to kill him…what a tragedy that would have been!! My sister also assisted in the upbringing, as she handled the dirty part of his upbringing (potty training)…lots of fun she had with that!
When I bought my home in 2006, I brought him over for companionship. If you have ever owned a dog, for the most part that they are very loving and affectionate beings (I have heard the same can be said for cats, too.) They give love freely ,unconditionally, and without reservation. His favorite spot was on my lap, wetting my face with big wet kisses, and me rubbing his fur, and leaving a “hallmark card” of hair behind each time.
He had a fear of loud noises (firecrackers and thunder), so I made sure to be with him (every New Years and 4th of July)
to avoid insanity. Every morning before I go to work I would let him go outside to take care of business, but if it was wet (or cold), he would give me that “you first” kind of look, where I step outside first, and he would then follow. And if I had my umbrella up, he ‘d made sure that he was under the umbrella, too. Spoil brat, right?
I could spend all night here writing about all of the wonderful memories I had with Scottie, but there are those that stand out above all the others.
The first one was when I was fired from my job, and I was so down in the dumps. As I lied across my bed crying, he jumped on the bed and kissed me and positioned himself next to me wagging his tail joyfully. For that afternoon, he was medicine for my mind, body, soul, and spirit…comforting me in my moment of hurt, like Bactine ( for those of you who are too young to remember or wasn’t born yet, Bactine was an antibacterial spray you would sprayed on your cuts and boo-boos; their catch phrase was “…helps the hurt stop hurting”). Years later, I came to realize how very blest I was to receive that kind of unconditional love at a very low point in my life.
The other moment came was when we were watching the Westminster Kennel Dog Show on TV, and they happened to show a long haired chihuahua, just like him, competing for best in show.. Scottie jumped off my lap and ran to the tv, barking at the dog( as though he might have been a relative) hoping that he would hear and respond accordingly. Poor baby; I kept telling him he could not see or hear him; but that did not faze him in the least.
Another moment came when we were both out in the back yard, and my neighbor had a dog several sizes larger ( I believe it was a lab that was still a puppy and was a girl)…he would run to the fence in an attempt to” make the connection” through the touching of noses …I found it quite fascinating to watch; Scottie in love…or Scottie in lust? I was not ready to be a grandmother in either case whether or not the logistics were possible.
My most favorite moment(s) were the ones I spent just talking to him and watching him respond. Dogs made not speak like we do, but you can bet they understand and comprehend better than you think. Yes, I would converse with Scottie the same way I would hold a conversation with another human…and would get insane looks from the haters. At times I even attempted singing to him…only to have him howl as if call of the wild was on TV…what a shame, no ear for music…
Fast forward. 24 hours ago I was a total mess and not in a pretty way. I had just lost my baby, my best friend, my soul mate, a member of the family. Of course, there are those haters out there who have said things like “it’s a dog…what loss?” “You can always get another one” or the topper of all: “You want a family? You want something to care for? Go have a baby.” Why such meaness you ask? Maybe because they have never experience the love or for whatever reason allow themselves to feel the sense of loss, it gets turned off like a water faucet. Or maybe because society decides who or where our loyalties should lie when mourning a loss; who or what is more worthy… Or simply they are just that? Haters! And as they say, “Haters will always hate…that’s why they’re haters!” But that in itself is a whole other post for another time.
I have allow myself to go through all the stages of loss, and although I am a lot better than I was 24 hours ago, there may be more stages I may have to experience… or not; as no two individuals grieve the same. I will also allow time for healing, that is important as well.
The memories I had with Scottie holds a special place in my heart and will remain with me forever. He brought us love, and we loved him in return.
Rest in peace, my baby! Know that your mama will always love you.