After an absence of over a year, I have made a decision to resume writing .
The reasons I have been away are several:
Family Issues (My father has suffered another stroke; this one more debilitating than the previous two that he suffered; My mother…lets just say I will save that topic for a future post)
Work (also to be save for a future post…or post(s)
But the main reasons I have stayed away are the following: fear, lack of confidence and self-esteem.
I have been wrestling with my self-esteem for as long as I can remember. I have let other people get inside my head dictating how I should live, dress and act. Things such as obey your parents, despite the fact that I am an adult with my own residence and working. You are too old to be doing this, your time has passed. Daughters are supposed to be caregivers for their old parents, because that’s how it is. I had lots of boyfriends; so and so is not pretty and they have a boyfriend/husband, so why don’t you have one? You don’t need to be eating that Snickers Bar, go eat you some soup. Who are fixing lunch for, a field hand? That is why you cannot lose any weight; what is wrong with a bologna sandwich and a fruit cup? Why can’t you just eat cereal for breakfast? There is a lot more, but that is enough to make you want to go in a corner somewhere and stay there.
I have made some attempts at writing back again…but what I wrote about was not very good in my opinion. I feared that if I had a published a post, and it was read, how it be received? Would it be received well? Would it be received negatively? And if so, how would I handled it?
Why have I allowed myself to cave in to this? Because in addition to the reasons mentioned, I had also lacked confidence.
Confidence, defined by Dictionary.com as a belief in oneself and one’s powers or abilities; self-confidence; self-reliance; assurance.
I had lost that feeling and allowed others to define me.
What do I have to say for myself?
All I can say right now is this:
I THE FUCK HAVE HAD IT! HELL YES, I’M SCARED, BUT I WAS ALSO SCARED BACK IN 2012 WHEN I FIRST STARTED THIS BLOG.
Although my sister provided support, I did not think it would not work. But I did it anyway. And after looking over the body of work…I STILL GOT IT!
So, without any fanfare or introduction, I have returned. As it says in my title, I will continue to write about my experiences and analysis in this world that we live in called “life”. Good, bad, indifferent. Better, or worse. It is mine and I own it!
Here we go…