Exposing Myself

It has been a while since I have posted anything; I have had a lot going on since the last entry that I had posted.

The last entry I posted, “Step Inside My Crystal Ball ” on 1/31/2013 was a glimpse on my parents condition (one parent whose condition started deteriorating from complications following a stroke and the other parent whose knee finally gave out and had to have knee replacement surgery) and the new normal that is taking place, if one wants to call it that. My fear has been that I will have to sacrifice my dreams and goals because of all that has been happened.

I have decided to go into detail about this subject and how I am handling this, for better or worse. By writing about it I am able to release those thoughts, words, and feelings that I have been carrying, and if some one else is also going through this, know that you are not the only one.

First of all, how do I feel about all of this? Educational at best; empathetic, angry, bitter, and resentful at times…OK, maybe at times more so than others.

Why? Because a lot of this for me is unchartered territory where no one really knows what the outcome will truly be in the end. Nobody knows. I can only speak from what I am seeing and feeling. No two experiences are the same; so spare me, ok?

This has been a difficult post to write. When you begin to see people you have known and have raised you(such as your parents) begin to “age” in what I see as a not so good way, I have to ask why? Are they destined to be this way? Is it in their gene pool? What about those seniors in their 80s and some in their 90s that are still pretty much still driving and walking and are still exercising even if at a slower or moderate pace? Why can’t that be my parents? Will this be me years from now, aging the exact same way?

One parent; she is recovering well from the surgery and is making great strides in outpatient therapy; She will be able to resume normal activities in about a month, pending evaluation from the therapist.

As for the other parent…well, he just recently turned 80, recovering from a TIA (mini stroke) that occurred about two summers ago. His long term memory is still sharp, although what I have noticed is the time that it takes to run errands; movement is slower; I will not lie; a lot slower than I would like; but I have to remember I will be there one day, God-willing (getting older), so that is something I am going to have to learn to adjust to. The short term memory comes and goes at times (individuals tell me that is a sign of age); I do not know if that is something I am ready or willing to accept at this time; but time does not ask me if I am ready.

What I am taking away from this: The realization that some days will be better than others; that is a given. I am becoming more tolerant of others and not being so judgemental. I am having more conversations with God; both spoken and unspoken. One day, one moment. I am not in this alone; my siblings are also involved by taking them to the doctor, store, church, etc. I have made some adjustments; hell, we all had to…I have not had to sacrifice or had to put my life on hold. But it has not been easy.

And yet, through all this, my parents’ health is are good. And my mother is slowly starting to resume her normal activities; which is a good sign.

This will be an ongoing journey.

I will give progress reports if need be.